I can't believe it's been a year. The beginning of 2012 feels like an entire lifetime ago--and I guess that, in some respects, it pretty much was.
It feels odd that anyone would celebrate the anniversary of something that:
(A) Was inspired by Ryan Seacrest, who just might be the cheesiest person alive, and Beyonce, who annoys the shit out of me most of the time;
(B) Was created because I was bored out of my skull, completely plastered from cheap wine and domestic beer and wearing an ancient (and ill-fitting, might I add) pair of flannel critter pants;
(C) Mostly talked about boring me and my boring suburban little life, usually with copious amounts of profanity.
Seriously. Even I'm not that interested in what I think, what I do, and what I have to say....and I spend all of my time with me.
But....I owe you all a status update. A year ago, I drunkenly proclaimed that I would do two things each day in 2012:
1. Gain a new experience and stop being so accountant-y
2. Do a good deed for someone else.
It's kind of funny. When you're buoyed by alcohol and a fresh crop of enthusiasm, those two things seem not only attainable, but easily attainable at that---and accomplishing them is a piece of cake.
At first, anyway.
At first, goals like those are new and exciting, and I went after them with that sort of deluded self-confidence that probably encouraged men to invade countries.
And then, you know, I got kind of tired and just wanted to resort to my other favorite recreational activities, which include lofty activities such as painting my nails, online shopping, screwing around on facebook and watching TV.
But did I do it? Did I actually do it? For a year?
Yes**.
** Yes means that I might have missed a few days, but overwhelmingly YES. I made good. Mostly because I'm too stubborn to do otherwise. And because I was stupid enough to take this on---in a journal and with an audience. Damned accountability. Gets me every time.
The good deeds were waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay easier. I seldom walked away from good deeds feeling worse than when I started, or with more questions than answers, or wondering what the f*ck I was doing with my life.
The new experiences, though? They were a wee bit tricky. Had I thought about this experiment for more than, I don't know, 5 seconds, I would have realized that not all new experiences are necessarily good experiences. That's the funny thing about deciding to take chances---while many of them pay huge dividends, some of them blow up in your face, a few of them are misguided, and a handful are just straight-up stupid.
Taking chances on people and taking chances on yourself.....it's a little bit of a risky proposition. Sometimes, you take chances on people and endeavors that are worthwhile, and sometimes you just don't. Sometimes, you realize that, try as you might, the decision isn't yours to make and the outcome isn't yours to control. Sometimes, the hardest decision to make is the one between trying harder and cutting your losses and walking away.
By no means was this the easiest year of my life, but it was by far the most worthwhile. I am grateful for this experiment, thankful for what I've learned, and excited to see where this little adventure takes me in 2013.
So, cheers to the year where I dusted off my passport and debuted my daughter's, the year where I inadvertently crashed a party (and stayed!), the year I was featured on the news while doing a good deed (and also for being "dateless and desperate", again), the year where I contracted the plague at a children's playplace and, most importantly, the year where I fiercely loved my people and they fiercely loved me back.
Happy birthday, little blog, and a very happy 2013 to each of you.
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