Important Note: I'm really not an unfit mother. She's just unnaturally clever:)
Important Note 2: Many of these were previously featured on Facebook (sorry for the lack of new content).
Little M on aging with grace:
Mommy, can you buy me wrinkles like yours for my birthday?
M: Stop at the stop sign, you douche!!!
LMS: (I know I'm supposed to yell, but, let's face it, the guy was a douche)
LMS: Did you call that guy a douche? That's not nice
M: I shouldn't have to call people a douchey-douche (awesome, the double douche)
LMS: You're right, you shouldn't call people that
M: No, Mommy. That's not what I said. People shouldn't do stupid things so I have to call them a douche.
Self esteem lessons from Little M:
Mommy, why am I so awesome?
Scene description: Incessant talking and yelling
LMS: It's quiet-time. I don't want to hear another peep out of you.
M: (whisper-shouting in ear) peep. peep. PEEP!!!!!!!!!!
M: (again): Mommy, laugh. I'm hilarious.
Little M on the big "difference":
M: Mommy, I know the difference between boys and girls
LMS: (massive inward groan and fear of God instilled) What is the difference?
M: Mommy, girls rule and are pretty. Boys just eat a lot of food.
Clothing selection with Little M:
M: I want to wear the purple shirt because Connor likes girls who wear purple.
LMS: We don't get dressed for boys. We look pretty for ourselves, not boys.
M: That's the dumbest thing I ever heard. Stop being so dramatic.
Spelling lessons from Little M:
M: Mommy, did you know that S-D-Y spells fart? (hysterical laughter ensues)
Little M on personal grooming:
Mommy, my toes are jacked up and I need a pedicure.
Little M's highly refined sense of smell:
Mommy, boys smell like p.u.. Girls smell like cupcakes.
Little M's highly refined sense of smell:
Mommy, boys smell like p.u.. Girls smell like cupcakes.
